Scared

Dear Reader,
The day before yesterday, mom asked if I was scared. Scared about what you may ask? Well, when she first asked I wasn't sure as to what she might be referring to either. But I thought about it, after I had told her that I wasn't scared just angry, that the truth is...I am scared. I'm scared for her, I'm scared about what come out of the two of us knowing the date that marks a year of the day that changed both of our lives forever, is just around the corner...Look at a calendar and you'll see that the 23rd of July is this coming Thursday.
But most importantly, I am the most scared to show how I am really feeling, whether it be in reference to the accident or how I am doing academically. I am scared to show those I feel I need to be the strongest for, that I am scared. I fear that if I reveal these emotions that it will reveal a weakness in me. I have always fought to be the strongest that I can be and showing that I am weak and broken never seemed to be an option for me.
I am not willing to reveal to God that I need Him the most right now...He knows this already but it's important that I tell Him. Why am I running from the one thing I know deep down inside is the answer to all of my life's questions? I don't know but it's really something I need to figure out...